I’ll start off with a disclaimer since I know a lot of people with either disagree with this or have an opinion on it: In no way am I saying that being a stay at home mom is a bad decision. Only to always be prepared, know your risks, know your financial situation, stay involved and most importantly protect yourself and your family from all of the things life could throw at you.
If you have read one of my previous posts, Kids Don’t Care About Material Things, than you have heard me talk about how my mother planned on being a stay at home mom as her career and how my parents ended up divorcing leaving her with three small children, no financial help, no education, savings, retirement account, etc.
Watching my mom struggle I knew I would never allow myself to end up in that same situation. I know I love my husband and that we will undoubtably be together as long as this life will allow us, but I am not oblivious to the fact that things do happen. Things you don’t plan for, sickness, injuries, death and of course sometimes people just fall out of love.
Here are a list of reasons why I think that as married women we need financial independence from our husbands.
1. It does not feel right to put it all on my husband
Tom would be 100% ok with it if I didn’t want to work and wanted to stay home with Isaac. But for myself, it feels so wrong for me to ask him to do it all on his own. We split up the bills, half of a down payment on a house, half on investments and sometimes when we go out to eat, I pay half. He would never ask me to do this but I do it because I feel it is the fair thing to do. We both work hard so there is no reason for it to be any different. Tom and I are partners. And that’s what I want him to feel like I am to him. I am supposed to help him have the best life possible and visa versa, so why not lighten his load and take some stress off of him.
2. We can do it all/ This isn’t the 50’s/ It gives you a sense of empowerment
For once women aren’t completely pressured by society to be just a wife. A cook, a maid and mother. We have careers we have aspirations and they shouldn’t be pushed aside. I know I am capable of being a good partner to my husband, an amazing mother and kick ass in any field I choose and so can you. [Insert Rosie The Riveter picture here]. You feel strong knowing you can carry yourself and your family if need be.
3. Your kids will see both parents have awesome work ethic
I want Isaac to see what working hard can get you. And by watching both of us work for what we want, he will only learn that much more. I also don’t ever want him to think women only play a certain role in the household. I want him to know and appreciate how versatile we are.
4. We will be able to travel more and do more of what we love
Traveling is extremely important to Tom and I. With two incomes we can afford to take more vacations for longer periods of time. Also when we go on vacation I can buy what I want guilt free knowing it is my money I’m spending. With Toms extra money he can afford to do boxing or whatever he is into at the moment. (He changes his mind a lot) lol
5. If Tom ever gets sick or injured I can carry us with zero problems
Never put all of your eggs in one basket. I will not be reliant on one person to carry my family. Accidents happen. And the scary part is, you don’t know when they will happen. With two incomes we will have two savings accounts, constantly growing for times like these. Not only will we have our savings for the extra cushion but I will have a job to count on to pay the bills as long as need be.
6. I have too much pride
I like working for the things I want. I want to buy my car myself, I want to buy my own clothes, I don’t like Tom paying for anything that I want. It gets ridiculous and I know it’s something I should work on. But that is just who I am and I recognize that, therefore I know I could never not work.
According to Forbes Magazine, you need 1.2 million dollars in retirement if you are accustom to living off of just 50,000 a year. I don’t know about you, but….that’s a lot of freaking (the other word would bring my point across more but. Ya know. Family lol), money. To achieve this type of retirement you need to start early, and by early I mean early 20’s. If you are like me and want to plan for the unknown, why plan to live off of your husbands retirement alone and not have something of your own? Mm-mm, no bueno.
8. You never know what will happen to your marriage
People fall out of love, people cheat, grow apart etc. You don’t plan for it. No one gets married thinking they will be divorced 10 years later, but yet the divorce rate in America is still 40-50%. 80% of single parents are mothers and 46% of those single mothers came from a divorce. Just understand, it is not taboo to plan for that unknown. I am not jinxing my marriage by planning for the worst, only protecting myself and my family and thankfully Tom understands and respect that. (No one think anything of this Tom and I are completely fine) lol
I just really wanted to write this because I know too often I see women bulldozed into not being included into financial decisions. Letting their husband make every big decision while you just sit and watch. Just talk about these things with your spouse because they’re so important.
If you’re a stay at home mom I want to applaud you again. It is a hard job and you sacrifice a lot! I say it’s a job because it is a job. So get up the courage because I know it’s an awkward topic, but make sure your husband recognizes it is a job. And if he wants you to take care of his and your children he should make sure you feel secure financially doing so. Make sure your name is on the house and cars maybe even a credit card as well so your credit can benefit from him making the payments while you don’t have any at the moment. Just incase anything happens and you need a loan for a home or a car you have the history. See if you have the extra money to open you an IRA so you can have retirement also.
Just do not forget to take care of YOU just in case. Self preservation.