How to Be a Mom Without Losing Yourself or Your Dreams

Son and mother in field of flowers

There was a comment I had read on a post of mine that really inspired me to write about this. A friend of mine said she felt like ever since she became a mom she, “doesn’t know who she is anymore”. I’ve heard this many times by many moms, along with things like feeling, “A lack of self worth from staying at home”, “putting my dreams and goals aside”, “I don’t have my own life anymore”. And it just really makes me so sad to see these beautiful strong women feeling these things that I to have felt from time to time.

Little boy in field of orange flowers
Isaac is sad that we are sad guys.

Motherhood shouldn’t mean you don’t get to be you anymore? Becoming a mom shouldn’t mean your life is over. And it doesn’t.

(You can even still do your make up and hair when you’re a mom if you follow one major rule)

Make time for you everyday and don’t feel bad about it!

I feel like society has made us think it’s okay to feel this way. That this is just what comes with the teritory. You wanted to be a mom? Cool. Now give up everything you love to do for you and your career/goals and then you’re a good mom. Congratulations!

Wait…what? Do you think dads ever feel this pressure? Absolutely not. Why? Well, no one ever told them that’s what they should do. But ever since the beginning of time women were the ones being told to be the homemakers. Luckily, it’s a new time but still, there is that cloud looming over our heads making us feel this guilt for those of us wanting to have it all. We feel selfish. I know I feel it.

Let me tell you. There is nothing wrong with being a working mom. If you had a dream career, go for it! Don’t ever let anything stop you. You can still be a wonderful mother and wife and go after what YOU want. (Day-care has never been detrimental to a child’s mental health). Lol

Don’t you think that your child will admire that you tried to do it all? I know I could work 9 hours, come home, cook dinner for my family and keep the house clean. I have done it. And you can to. You will be the example of what hard work looks like. That a woman can be successful, a mother and wife at the same time. 

And for all of my moms that want to be a stay at home mom and wife. I admire you so much. That is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Being stuck at home all day with children that basically don’t speak English and quite frankly don’t show you any appreciation for all of the ass wiping, feeding, bathing, cooking, etc that you do all day long is difficult. You generally don’t have many friends around and at the end of the day end up feeling very lonely!

Stay at home moms, give yourself a break! 

Let your kids go to day care or a baby sitter for 2 days out of the week! Use that time to do things you like or even just to run errands alone. Take a nap, do your makeup, go to lunch with friends, whatever makes you feel good. And my number one tip, find a hobby that you love and do it!

For the moms that think they can’t afford to go to work or pay for daycare, talk to your spouse about paying someone one day a week so you can have some alone time. Or, get a part time job just so you can get out of the house and make friends. Even if all of your money you make goes into day care!

Protect your sanity.

Little boy smiling in a field of flowers
Isaac said daycare was fun and he made lots of friends!

If you need to ask help from your spouse, ask! We all know men can’t just read out minds when we need something.

Sometimes you have to just come right out and say it, “I need to spend time with my friends more”, “I need a babysitter once a week for my sanity”,” I want to start working”. And they should listen and encourage you to do whatever you need.

This is what dads are for. They aren’t babysitters, they aren’t money makers,  they are a parent just like you. They should want to help you be as happy as you can whatever that may be.

For me, it’s getting up with Isaac while I go do my hair and makeup. Because that’s what I need at the beginning of my day to feel good. It’s my, “me” time!

It’s entertaining Isaac while I cook.

It’s staying with Isaac while I run to the grocery store because we all know it’s easier to go alone.

It’s encouraging me to go out with my friends as often as I need because he knows I love the company.

It’s being ok with me wanting to going on a humanitarian trip alone every year because he knows that’s a passion of mine. (When Isaac is old enough he can tag along).

It’s understanding that I want and need my own career and helping me go after it.

I have been truly blessed with the best father and husband that I can honestly says helps me out 100% without me even having to ask. He can always tell when I’m running on fumes…He can read me like a book.

We just need to remember to take care of ourselves and make ourselves happy before we can take care of anyone else and make them happy and there is nothing selfish about that. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you feel you need to do.

At the end of the day, you still have a responsibility to live a life that on your very last day you can look back on and can be proud of. No one is going to make things happen for you.

You still have a life, you’re still in control, you still have a purpose.

*I would love to hear what all of my mom friends like to do for themselves if you want to leave it in the comment section below! 💕😊

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