From Active Duty to House Wife.

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So as everyone knows, I met my husband when I joined the Air force! We both had the same job (crew chief), we went through training together and somehow ended up getting sent to the same base afterward! (Pretty lucky huh). ☺️

 Anyway, after we got married I got pregnant with Isaac! Once we started thinking about how the military would effect his life and all of the what ifs, we decided the best thing for me to do was to separate early. It was a really really hard decision. The only three bases we have the options to go to deploy a lot! If I would have stayed in, Tom would be deployed for 6 months, then I would be deployed for 6 months. Or God forbid we got deployed at the same time. I had no idea what we would do with Isaac and honestly didn’t like the idea of him possibly being without the both of us for that long. Also this way, by the time Toms contract was up I could have my education done with a career started so that while Tom went to school I could carry us. If I would have stayed in we both would have gotten out on the exact same day and both have been going to college full time with a kid. 😶 

So…here comes the stay-at-home mom thing. For me, this is a temporary thing. Finding a good job that pays enough for daycare, in a foreign country, where English isn’t the first language is pretty much impossible. 😑 (especially now that there’s a hiring freeze set up by the good ole Donald). 🙄 

If you’re a stay at home mom. I could freaking kiss your feet. You’re amazing. You’re so incredibly tough. It is not easy. 

What I’m about to say is just ME and im not trying to offend anyone! If this is what you enjoy that is so amazing! Truely. 

But I…have never thought I have been depressed before. But I question if I am or not every day. I’ve always been happy, full of energy, always ready for the day. But lately every day has been a struggle. Some days I feel normal, but most I don’t even want to get out of bed, or leave the house. I’m constantly tired and feel like I’m on the edge of crying. I 100% couldn’t even tell you why. Isaac is so so sweet and funny, Tom is so kind and loving to me and is always picking me up when he sees I’m sad. I don’t have anything to be sad about. It makes me feel like I’m just being crazy?  

I guess I’m just so used to having my own money (yes I get it’s, “our money” but I don’t like using Toms money), doing my own thing everyday. I’m used to feeling like I’m contributing to bills and everyday things! 😞 I guess being a stay at home mom has just been a huge ego crusher for me, on top of feeling guilty for getting out of the military early…I’ve never wanted to be a house wife or a stay at home mom. I’ve just always wanted to be the wife and mom that does it all.

I know it’s all temporary and in just 6months I’ll be back to work. I’m trying to enjoy the time I have with Isaac. I guess this will be the last couple months I get to just spend all day with him! I feel terrible for even complaining. Not everyone is in a situation where they could stay at home for any amount of time. Maybe I’m just being dramatic. 😞 I just can’t wait to feel normal again and feel like I have my own life.
 I don’t like sad Adriana. 😕

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2 Comments

  1. Oh honey you are amazing! You are smart, hard working, beautiful & one of the sweetest souls I know. There is no right or wrong answer. There is only the right answer for you! Some people thrive staying home and others while having a career. The world would be a boring place if we all wanted the same things! Whatever situation you are in you will handle it with grace. Know that your family both near & far love you & we’re here for you! I admire you and support you in whatever you do. I think most everyone has feelings of depression from time to time. Remember you are loved & you are doing a great job even on the days that you don’t think so 😘😘😘

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    1. Thank you so much! That made me feel a lot better ❤️ I love you! I just can’t wait to feel like I have control over it all again. I definitely don’t have options here.

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